1- The organizational logic of this piece is not evident. Consider re-structuring the response so that there is a clear and logical sequence to the parts. 2- Part 1 includes theories to address the exam question; however, the paragraphs need to include analysis in addition to the summary. Address the relationships between the theories as well. For example, the section on sociological influences is heavy on historical influences. What differentiates and links? What is the authors analysis? 3- Additionally, the paragraph structure is inconsistent which yields an inconsistent analysis. One key example is from the first two sections of the exam about multicultural education. Divide lengthy paragraphs into more manageable concepts that can be analyzed thoroughly. 4- Define terms throughout such as social justice, conservative, human rights, etc. It is not clear to the audience how the author is framing these complex concepts. Include the textual evidence for the terminology and the authors own authentic definition that is applied to the exam question. Sections on prejudice reduction, and equity pedagogy, for example, are short and require more analysis. 5- The discussion of the Japanese internment camps is still not clear in terms of how it relates to the overall claim made in that section. 6- Please also review the APA guidelines and edit the paper. Some errors from the first submission persist.
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